Stay, Nancy Dwyer, 1987.
Dear More,
Make way for more amazingness! Your song for today is one I don't recall hearing- but, you know, I have forgotten lots of really good stuff. This is one for playing loud, and you should know that I heard it from a guy on Instagram; a guy who sits there and enchants you with his feeling for music. Here at Radio Dodo, you will get less enchantment, but you will also get the whole song, and Ms Ellison will enchant you in any case.
Dear Radio Dodo Listener,
A few weeks ago, my favorite DJ played your song for today: An incomparable lament, filled with hope and longing, futility and yearning: The Losing End. As a bonus, you get this original version, too! And on special today only: The Meat Puppets!
Dear Hours and Days,
It has been a long time, 5 years, I think anyway, for my medicine to work. Ah, maybe it has been many more years than even that? The mind is very hard to change. I don't mean the part of your mind that chooses which ice cream to get- I mean the part that seems to be hewn of bone, immoveable, unplastic. Yes, science tells us the brain is all kinds of mutable, but, I am speaking of the learned things, the mind that is your conscience. The mind that tells you when it thinks you are good and when it thinks you are bad and the mind that spends two hours analyzing if you asked her about the funeral gently enough or if you should have said nothing. That mind, the authority part of your mind. Ah, it's so rambling and vague, isn't it?
What I mean, I think, is that I set about looking for a different foundation, a different sort of tool for coping- you might call it acceptance, you might call it anything you like, actually. But it felt like an open wound, irritated constantly, throbbing at night, and unresponsive to salves or balms. It isn't, no it isn't gone, it is less. Noticeably less. Why? It's hard to say, but I think it is because of wonder. I have spent a good amount of time working to wonder. To encourage wonder. I don't mean answers, I mean questions.
Questions like these:
Why do I grind my teeth when they say that? Where does my idea of 'right' come from? What do I think my duty is? Who told me it was my duty? Who told me to be quiet? Who told me to be nice? Who told me to smooth things flat? Why do I jump in there to try to make it less awkward?
A leopard can, I think, change its spots, a little anyway.
Dear Y'all,
Time to mark the days again. To celebrate, I think I might get myself a subscription to Roller Rag. What, though, will you do to mark this day? You know what I think you should do, but, if you don't want to skate, I still love you anyways!
Dear Blog,
I haven't forgotten you- I had nothing nice to say, though, so I didn't say it. In the silence, between my last letter and now, I hope you felt loved & wanted.
Today, I have missed the moment to 'style' my hair by forcing it into certain shapes with pinchy little clips, and so it is running wild, curling all crazy this way and that. I am not going to wet it again and start over, though; no, I am going to take a tip from Melani Sanders and say: we do not care about our hair sticking out.
I want to offer you another thing that we haven't spoken of in a while, A Word a Day. It's always such a treat- today it is a tart treat. While this, from Christina Tosi's Bake Club, is a sweet treat and a third fabulous thing that is absolutely free for you to enjoy or ignore, depending on how you feel.
Dear Viewer,
I hope you have already read The Lover; I hadn't, and I always thought I would, it's just that a lot of years have passed since I first came across it- like, 35 or 40 years! It's embarrassing, but I know you won't judge me, and I won't judge you, either; but I hope you do read it, I hope you read it in the next 30 days, let alone years, but whenever you get to it, you will want more from Marguerite Duras. And so. Let me offer you something that doesn't need you to turn the pages, but will give you some Marguerite Duras: Hiroshima Mon Amour; your film assignment for this month!
PS Now; not now, later, when you have read The Lover, or watched the film, you might want to read this, too.
