Thursday, March 14, 2024

gentrified crackers


Dear Curious,

Looking around, I found this recipe for fried saltines, and of course, I asked myself:  yes, but is it good?  And here at the Dodo Test Kitchens we work to answer that question for you, dear reader.  I could tell you, like many blog recipes seem to, in twelve pages of photos and dubious prose, gushing relentlessly.*  But no, I am going to tell you clearly and decisively in a very short sentence:  make them, eat them, they are great!  They transform your  workhorse, blue collar saltines to Boutique, Artisanal, Small Batch!

Fried Saltines with Cheddar and Onion:

1 pound Cheddar

1 small white onion

About a cup and a half of oil (I used light olive oil)

1 sleeve saltine crackers

Yellow or brown mustard, for serving

Slice the Cheddar in neat tablets slightly smaller than the saltines. Slice the onion into thin crescent moons (not half-moons), cutting from root to shoot ends so the ribs fall apart more easily, are shorter and, therefore, more manageable to chew and swallow.

Heat the oil in a deep-sided sauté pan over medium-high to 350 degrees. Stick a wooden chopstick in the oil to see if it sizzles. If it does, it’s ready. Fry the saltines in 3 quick batches, adjusting the heat as needed, using a spider or a slotted spoon to swirl them around a little and to make sure they cook evenly to golden brown, 2 to 3 minutes per batch. Drain on a wire rack until cool. They keep for a week in an airtight container.

Set the crackers, cheese and onion on a platter to serve with mustard in a ramekin.

*  I sometimes wonder, when I read these kinds* of recipes, scrolling finally down to the actual nub of the thing- the ingredients and instructions- are they being paid by the word or page?  Is 'content provider' lucrative if you get over the ten page mark?  Right again.  Let X = X.

* Technically, more than one recipe, I know.  Also technically, barely a recipe in the first place.