Dear Remorseless,
Today, I am ripping out all of it and re-making my whole life- the past part, of course- the future part is impossible to contain.
Here is where I am starting: my job will now have been UPS driver. I have been at it for 27 years, and I love it, because I know all the people I deliver to, and they are always happy to see me. It isn't a great job, pay-wise, but it's steady work, and it leaves me plenty of time to write in the evenings and play music in my all-girl band.
I also only have punky and net clothing now. And boots. Most of it is black, or pink. My favorite thing to wear is a big crinoline with a men's dress shirt and noisy, clunky, buckled boots. The shirt is done up partly with safety pins- big gold ones that I got in a junk shop. I have 12 pairs of fishnet stockings, and I never hesitate to wear the torn ones, with odd shaped holes in the ankles.
I have read all of Truman Capote's books, plays, letters and screenplays, and of course, also, the entirety of Colette. I only have shelving everywhere. And ceramic cat figurines. I have 27 thousand books, and thirteen hundred vinyl records. There is a sofa, and some chairs. There is nothing, nothing in the kitchen at all except a moka pot. All the kitchen cabinetry is filled with books. I often wish I had time to learn to cook. I play mah jongg for money and I always win. I give my winnings to the animal shelter.
I got a law degree, when I was younger, because I didn't like people thinking I wasn't smart enough, but now I know this is just how they make you feel when you are female. I chose law not because I had an interest in it; only because I thought I could buy your respect by going to school for so many years. It was a folly, yes; but there is no youth without folly. Having that degree and doing nothing with it was, after all, the whole point.
A few other details of my re-made past; when you said you thought I was in danger of wasting my life, I threw my drink at you, glass and all. When you cajoled me into having dinner with you, I packed up all my stuff and moved two days later, and I left no forwarding address. When you told me I should just ignore it and get on with my life, I slashed your tires and stopped answering your calls. When you told me it sounded like a mental problem, I burned all your letters and joined a writer's group. I also never spoke to your thoughtless ass again, because why would I? That time you made fun of the shirt I liked, the shirt with all the dancing people on it? That was the day I vowed I would never listen to anyone's advice unless I asked them for it. It has saved me a lot of consternation, and if I hadn't stopped talking to you after that, I would have thanked you for the lesson.
PS Here is your song for today.
