Friday, November 20, 2020

On skates.


Dear Lovelies,

It's been a long time since we talked about this, but, today is day 900, and so I will attempt yet again to convince you to roller skate!  

Why, you ask, why roller skate?  

The glamour:  But no, that's not really it, because it's only glamorous if you are Gloria Nord or on the internet.  Just to set the record straight on glamour, let's hear some sound advice from the Dirty School of Skate.

The absurd:  Wheels!  On boots!  On your feet!  That is some kind of human, beautiful, passionate, crazy!

The frightening:  Falling hurts, and you fall; yup, you fall.

The challenge:  It's difficult, and see above, falling hurts!

The joy:  All of the above combined with hurtling, even faltering, slow hurtling, through space and time!

There are also a few more personal reasons that I love skating.  One thing I love about roller skating is the fact that it isn't filled with teenaged boys:  I like that roller skating is something that girls and women do.  I was interested in skateboarding, but not in being the object of a teenage boy's ridicule.  I had to endure that when I was a teenaged girl, and I hated it then, too.  (Question to self:  Do girls ever mortify boys by making fun of their physical abilities?  Hmmm.)

Another thing I love is the parts and the gear.  I love trying different wheels, different knee pads, making skate leashes, rotating wheels, cleaning bearings, all the geeky details.

And a last thing, which is related to the challenge; for me, it's a place to be daring and even a smidge righteous, in the pride sense, because to even try to roller skate is really amazing.  I am the evil opposite of a 'gifted athlete;'  I am a ball ducker.  I have poor balance, no innate grace, and a paralyzing fear of injury.  This makes me suited only for chess, but I am rubbish at that, too,  and chess is a dull and sadistic game that requires utter surrender from your playmate.  Chess also has too many teenaged boys, especially the annoying middle aged ones.  However, after skating regularly for 12 years, and floundering on our mini ramp, I still cannot drop in.  My massive and wonderful consolation prize is that I am part of an extremely elite group of 52 year old women who even try to skate ramps, and this perverse fact gives me a heap of nearly harmless and totally comical self-satisfaction.

Sisters and brothers, won't you join me?